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Happy 1 year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!
You`re as useless as a referee in the WWE
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
One thing I`ve learned about women is they prefer that I don`t speak
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.