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No, I didn`t say I was a taxidermist. I said, I can stuff your beaver.
Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
Remember, laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrea.
If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
Summer needs to slow the hell down.
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?