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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
I use profanity, the way Picasso used a paint brush
Whenever someone says, "Have a good one." I always respond with, "I have a good one, I just wish it were longer."
Tonight`s weather forecast: dark. Continued dark overnight with widely scattered of light by morning.
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. I’m buying a sandwich.
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.
The awkward moment when someone say "I gotta use the restroom.... Never mind."