Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don’t underestimate my ability to do absolutely nothing.
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.
This is the third time someone in Liam Neeson`s family has been abducted, they really need to stop leaving the house.
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
I get my cardio from caffeine...
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.