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The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
2017 didn`t need that extra hour back.
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
I am fluent in three languages: English, Profanity, and Sarcasm
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
Don`t expect me not to hopscotch all over your house if you have fancy tiles.
If only mosquitoes sucked fat, instead of blood.
Coffee eyedrops! Another million dollar idea.
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
Nice try, self-checkout lane. There`s not even any mirrors.
People without kids: I`ll never yell at my kids ... People with kids: I DONT KNOW WHY SOMEONE SPIT THEIR GUM ON THE ROAD, JUST WALK!
How long does it take to get obsessed?