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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
Sometimes what sounds like opportunity knocking is actually disappointment leaving a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep.
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
I think my “check engine” light has finally burned out. So that’s good.
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
Women my age expect a man to have his sh!t together by now. Time to start dating younger women.