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I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces
If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it`s doubtful you`d advise me to be "on it".
I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
Sometimes words just aren`t enough. And that`s why we have middle fingers.
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.