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I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
Relationship status – table for one but drinks for two.
Save electricity! Would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
You know you`re poor when you sneak into Sam`s Club with some random family just to eat samples for lunch. Yay... Christmas
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.