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Adding lyrics when you don`t know the words or making words up when you don`t speak the language. ;)
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If i had a brick id throw it at you.
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
Why doesn’t a deli slicer just have a scale on it?
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
Are you guys sure common sense can`t be beaten into people ? Because I`d like to give it try!
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
Girlfriend: You`re acting like a little kid. Me: What do mean, little kids can`t drink.
You know what I like about people? Their dogs.
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
You can`t control who comes into your life. But you can control which window you throw them out of.
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.