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Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.
I only accept apologies in cash.
Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
Every time you have McDonald’s as a kid, it’s a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it’s a defeat.
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a big sign of disrespect.
That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
Key to a Happy Life: Get a job where people ask, “You actually get paid for doing this?”
Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.