Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I learned how to kiss passionately by practicing on my hand, but now it just uses me for sex.
Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I`m hiring her as my personal trainer.
That awkward moment when you make a Harry Potter reference and none of your Muggle friends get it.
Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
Would you be a deer and run out in front of my car for me?
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
I will be good today... I will be good today... I will be good today... Yeah.... I didn`t believe it either..
If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
I just bought a house, car and a boat with no payments until 2013. Those f`ing Mayans better be right…