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I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
I`m so broke, if somebody tried to rob me right now, they would just be practicing.
Whenever you`re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there`s people that pay money to exercise.
I don`t know why people say life is short....this seems to be taking forever.
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
Why do I even have unlimited texting?
On cold mornings like this I just tell outrageous lies and hope my pants catch fire.
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn`t, you should know that I ignored you first.
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.