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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
If the shoe fits, wear it. Unless they`re not yours. But you can still were them. It`s just a road test, after all.
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That`s what going back to an ex is like.
I got BOMBED last night and decided to do my own taxes and guess what! I`m getting 4 million dollars back this year!
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
What do you mean casual Friday does not mean drink wine and get drunk at work
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.
If I had a penny for everytime I heard you bitch at me I`d have enough money to invest in a hitman