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Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
You know it`s time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was "I bet a cupcake wouldn`t have done this to me."
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
Currently helping my son look for his chocolate that I ate last night.
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)