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Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
Are you one of those people that get hurt from things posted on Facebook? You can easily avoid that by keeping your a$$ off of Facebook.
I`m getting older but I still have my moments...though I don`t always remember where I put them
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
I didn`t get drunk enough last night, I can still remember working.
According to science the atoms in my body contain the energy of 30 hydrogen bombs, and yet, not enough energy to get up early and go jogging.
I don`t understand when people say `age is just a number`... Age is clearly a word.
it`s friday o clock
When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can`t have both.
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”