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I’m the kind of guy who dreams about naps while I’m asleep.
Had a big mix up at the store today... Apparently, when the woman said strip down facing me,she was referring to my credit card.
"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
Saying I have a drinking problem is like saying Bruce Lee had a kung fu problem, it`s not a problem if you`re good at it.
“How are feeling today?” is a polite reminder that you were a mess the night before.
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
I dream of a day when a mysterious hand will pop out of the screen and b!tch-slap you silly each time you post a boring or stupid status.
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.