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A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I`ll be telling everyone it`s from having sex while skydiving.
It`s so frustrating when your hitman doesn`t answer the phone after you`ve made amends with someone
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"