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I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
You can’t choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls.
Warning: I just get weirder.
My favorite thing about naps is that I don`t have to talk to people during them
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future.
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
What are the words I`m looking for? Oh yeah...Eat sh!t and die.
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.
If anybody in North America needs a napkin, hit me up. I should have enough in my car’s glovebox for each of you.
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?