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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
It`s amazing how the lowly potato gives us potato chips, french fries, and vodka. Get your sh!t together, every other vegetable.
The best curve on a girl is her smile ;) ... Lol just kidding!
The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don`t want anymore children living on our street.
I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can`t trust my farts.
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
I had a doctors appointment today. He said I was normal! See? I told you!!!
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
Facebook should have an "I`ve seen enough" button.