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I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
Any question is a hard hitting question when it`s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.
Today is different because after you lie to someone, you tell them you were lying.
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
Those teardrop tattoos mean you cried during the notebook, right?
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated…but can’t pronounce it.
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but I like women.
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.