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I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that`s for here."
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
Do handjobs from girls who speak sign language count as blowjobs
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
I’ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn’t need my assistance, so I’m going back to bed.
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.