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The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
I just blew all my party money on bills again
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can`t help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
If you are offended by the words "In God We Trust" on your money, then send it to me. I don`t mind it at all.
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
Living out of your car isn`t so bad if you keep telling yourself you`re "on tour"
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.