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My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn`t mean together.
"F@ck It" has gotten me through a lot of situations.
The loudest possible way to open a bag of chips is to try and do it quietly.
The amount of times I`ve had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.
If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
I liked you until you started ignoring me and then I loved you. -Girls ---- Bfanch
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I`m behind you 100%
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
Ya know what I really hate about mornings? People start talking to me!
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?