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The hardest part about being rejected is that I end up liking them even more as a person for their ability to make great decisions.
It’s annoying when Netflix keeps stopping to buffer. Stupid neighbors just won’t upgrade their WiFi.
MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it`s like they had those babies for nothing.
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
9/10 students agree that someone got lost on the field trip
If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job, I could be employed for infinity.
I just hope my stalker doesn`t tell my dentist how infrequently I floss.
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven`t had any yet.
Procrastination: when "make a bucket list" is on your bucket list.
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car