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Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
This rough sex would have been a lot better if I wasn`t alone.
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
And now it`s too hot outside to take down the Christmas lights
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
The funny moment when a fat kid says "that`s how I roll".
I go out all day looking good and saw no one I know. I go out for 5 minutes looking like sh!t and it`s all of the sudden a f*cking reunion.
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
My bank lets me send a text message and it will text back with my balance. Its a cool feature but I didn`t think the LOL was necessary.
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally
I just ran a .003048K
I just got pulled over by the US Border Patrol. The agent comes up to my window and says, "Papers?" I said, "Scizzors!! I win!!!." And drove off. Apparently the US Border Patrol didn`t think Paper beat Scizzors. Sore Losers!!