Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
Saw a girl with three lip piercings, took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain
We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
During the first two weeks of January, people often resolve to lose weight, which is great for me because the line at Golden Corral is much shorter.
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
For some people, a new year means a new chance to f*ck it up all over again.
Advertising taught me that hair conditioner makes you move in slow motion.
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.