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I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem