Daily Silly Status

Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.

PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.

I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.

How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to

In a thousand years, archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.

This empty wallet looks like I`ll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy`s awful jokes in a bar tonight.

You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.

I only eat the entire pint of ice cream in one sitting so that I won`t be tempted to eat it later.

Just found out my daughter`s super power is repeating what I`ve said about others as soon as she meets them.

I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats

This silly farmers market doesn`t have any locally grown pizza.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol at my house may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.

It`s always fun to act like you don`t see the person running to catch the elevator your in just as the door starts closing.