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Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
I`ve been wondering, If poison goes out of date and expires, does it become more or less deadly?
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
If history has taught us anything, it`s that reheated french fries are gross.
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
"Iyam A. Wii Todd" <-- Bet you can say that name out loud, in a crowded place, and really fast!
These Jehovah`s Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.
I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."