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I`m not saying I`m lazy, but someone wrote "wash me" on my car so I just wrote back "nah"
I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
Y`all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.
I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don`t have to save for retirement..
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
Little known fact: Walt Disney was the inventor of modern day text talk "M - I - C... C u real soon... K - E - Y... Y? Because we like u"
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna` be a great day.
I deserve an Oscar for my performance in "Holy crap this is a terrible gift but I`ll pretend to love it."
Stop undressing me with your eyes!...Use your teeth!