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Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
"we can still be friend" .. is like saying "The dog died, but we can still keep him"
Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
My wife gives me the speaking treatment.
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so I’m just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
Dear Alcohol, Will you be my valentine? ?
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
You know nothing about a woman until she`s drunk and mad at you
Me: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you’re smart too, I like that.
Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
If there`s a "Mr." in front of your cat`s name you`re going to die alone.
How`d this get posted?