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My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you`ll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
My favorite beer is the next one.
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
Just a friendly reminder, there are a minimum of three spiders in your room at all times. Goodnight...
If someone doesn`t return your texts, relax and remember they`re probably just busy not liking you.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?