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Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a brighter day.
Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
If I had any self control I`d probably eat that too.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn`t tear away ..
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
I went frisbee golfing today. I didn`t get an ace, but I did hit a guy and that was just as satisfying.