Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn`t let you skip.
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
Don`t be afraid of a few extra pounds, fat people are much harder to kidnap.
I`m at that "licking peanutbutter off a spoon" time to go grocery shopping point....
Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you`ve done with the place.