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So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes… Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
If you never jumped from couch to couch as kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
All women are crazy. But, if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
"Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
If I ever sound inspriational, one of us is drunk.
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.