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Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
Nothing says "I`m behind on child support." like 26" spinning rims on an 86 Chevy Malibu.
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
My neighbours diary say`s I have boundary issues.
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously it`s a girl because it won`t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin’ STILL isn’t easy.
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
Here`s to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.