Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My support group can outdrink your support group.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes.
"Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.