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Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you’ll get what you want.
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
People are obsessed with the front seat of the car but when you get in a bus, you go straight to the back
I didn`t sleep well last night so this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. Half way to work I realized I forgot my car.
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
There’s a police helicopter above my house right now, so I’m cashing in and calling everyone who has ever said “when pigs fly.”
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.
Today I saw a girl with the word "Anel" on her butt. I was like, woah..it`s supposed to say "Anal"..it`s spelled wrong then I realized it was supposed to say "Angel". The G was stuck in her a$$crack
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.