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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
If you use more toilet paper to wipe the tears out of your eyes then wip your bum in the morning...the food was too hot the night before
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
The synonym for `reality` is `offline`
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick`s Day.
When I die I want someone to play that little death jingle from Mario Bros at my funeral.
Champagne says I`m classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.
You`re annoying, but honestly, I`ve been annoyed by better.