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Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.