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I`ve done so much f*cked up sh!t while I was drunk that I have to drink to forget it all.
To whom it may concern: I need more money and power ... ASAP thanks!
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
Do bees even have knees?
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
Sex ed class should be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
You know what the cheapest meat is? Deer balls ... They`re under a buck
I went to my local shop for a paper the other day. A guy out of no where started to throw eggs, cream and milk at me. I thought to myself how dairy?
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
I don`t want to brag, but I`m single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.