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Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money.
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I`m a valued customer at several grocery stores.
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.