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When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
I sleep better naked.. why can´t the flight attendants understand this?
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
I wonder where superman changes now that there are no more phone booths
Personally, I think failure should be an option
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink