Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
When I get home the first thing I`m going to do is rip my wife`s panties off. Because they`re too small and the elastic is killing me.
If you don’t like being tailgated then don’t play movies I like.
figured out today that my GPS has auto-correct....I put in "Beach house" and ended up in my ex`s driveway.
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
Me blacking out when I`m drunk is God`s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.
It`s nice to feel wanted. Even if it`s by the FBI.