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"We`re pregnant!" -people who don`t understand science
Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble people, respect it!
I`ve just realised that I`ve got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
I`ve been married twice. The next wife I have will be someone else`s and she can just go home when she`s mad at me.
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
This day needs more yesterday.
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet
This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"