Daily Silly Status

I`ve done a lot of things over the years ... But acting normal has never been one of them.

Time heals all wounds...unless it`s infected or gangrene or something then time makes it worse.

Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.

Sometimes I order Domino`s but give them Pizza Hut`s address. And when they show up and start fighting, I just wait with my mouth open.

Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.

I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.

Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.

Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.

If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.

Siri, where are my pants?

Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."

I`ve given up on giving up.

hilarious

I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.

I always write `wake up` on my to-do-list so I can at least accomplish one thing a day