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They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.
I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
wishes life would hand me lemons especially today.. that way I`d have something to throw at the people that are pissing me off
A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.