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No matter how busy a guy is, he can always take out a moment from his busy life to just stop and stare at a beautiful girl.
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
Key to a Happy Life: Get a job where people ask, “You actually get paid for doing this?”
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
These statuses are a lot better if you imagine them being read by Morgan Freeman.
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!
If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.