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I usually don`t argue with the doctor but I don`t think "Batshit Crazy" is a legitimate medical term.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
I live in fear that one day the real "World`s Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
If a vegan does crossfit which do they talk about first?
You know it`s been a good night when you wake up and see bite marks on the walls...
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.