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That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
Sometimes I find myself envious of how well Waldo can hide..
My favorite thing about decorative towels is how you`re not allowed to use them. Because nothing says class like useless towels.
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn`t let you skip.
Having a dirty mind makes simple conversation much more exciting!
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter.