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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they`re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
That son of a b*tch moment when you`re walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
If the shampoo and conditioner in her shower are not the same brand GET THE F*CK OUT, SHE`S A MAN!
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
I can`t find my happy place this morning, mind if I goto yours
One of the best uses I`ve ever found for invisible ink is when I signed my marriage license with it.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?