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In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
A lot of you lose your sh!t and have some pretty epic, public meltdowns. I just wanted to say thanks.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?
When a woman says, "I`m NOT crazy" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That`s universal for, "You`re going to die."
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
I’m not stealing my neighbor’s WiFi…their WiFi is trespassing into my house.
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
Online personality tests are pretty self-explanatory… If you’re taking the test, chances are you don`t have one.
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing itself immediately after I pet her.
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
How strict is the "I licked it, it`s mine" policy? There`s some things I`ve licked that I don`t want.