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When the zombie apocalypse hits, I know EXACTLY who I`m tripping first...
I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.
Any question is a hard hitting question when it`s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
I start to feel really anxious when my work piles up. I never know what to ignore first.
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
Cops love donuts…. just not when you do them on a four lane highway.
They say you are what you eat. I don`t remember eating a sexy beast this morning...
When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?
i like boobs
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.