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I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone I will look at them shocked and just quietly whisper.... "You can see me?"
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when I’m done.
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.