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It`s been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.
One trenta cheeseburger please.
Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ``try me`` stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
The Patriots defensive coverage was almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.
Iām glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
I am convinced God only created six days and the devil added Monday.
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
That awkward moment when your trapped in the corner of your shower because the hot water ran out.
You`re annoying, but honestly, I`ve been annoyed by better.