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I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
Iām exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
Forgotten pocket money is the best!
Monday?! But, I wasnt even finished with Saturday yet.
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.