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This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
I hope the meteorite crash in Russia doesn`t affect the price of Vodka!
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, I’m going back to bed.
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
Is food porn star a thing yet??
That moment when you have so many things to do...So you decide to take a nap instead!
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.