Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
My wife complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
Tony Soprano dead....Whitey Bulger on trial...coincidence??? I think not!
You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
I`m no auto mechanic but I`m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.