Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t hate you, but if you we`re drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck.
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
I`m at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.
he who laughs last thinks slow
"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
Waiter, bring me a bowl of turtle soup and make it snappy.
I am who I am, your approval is not needed.
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
Honk if you wanna see the finger
If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.
If you get pulled over, ignore the cop and tell him that your mommy told you not to talk to strangers.