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In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
No officer, my speech isn`t slurred. I`m just talking in cursive.
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
I`m just saying a sarcasm font could go a loooong way!
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.