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Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
It`s not their fault, per se, but at some point, Crayola has to be held responsible for continuing to make crayons nostril-width.
All my friends are getting married and having kids or getting really good at video games.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
If I had a nickel for everytime I said, "If I had a nickel", I`d be rich.
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
are you free tomorrow ?! no I am f**king expensive !!
I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.
Filling out a job application. Under "Military Experience" I put that I once went commando for 4 days in a row.