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They say you have real problems if you hear disembodied voices; fortunately all my imaginary friends have bodies.
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
Gym update: not there
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
Last person to like this wins a prize.
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
One of these days I’ll realize that leaning forward in my car while accelerating does not make it go any faster.